I Stand Alone

I am no one's pet
I am no one to be with

That is who I am

Its been years kan? I know..
Too many things along the way.. I cant put it all here..

But somehow, I have to say I feel blessed..
I have lots to put up.. Do stay tune!

 

Video Bloodymary - Waterfall

Yeah, akhirnye berjaya gak aku miliki video ni..
Letih mendesak Syah..
Silela tengok..
Katenye Syah, this song was made masa dia frust..
Xtaula frust ngan awek ke, jiran sebelah ke..hahaha
Berbanding ngan EP, dalm live performance ni, lagu ni dah diubah sedkit..
Daripada lagu yang dah memang sayu, ditambah alunan keyboard Syah pada permulaan lagu.
Menjadi lebih pilu..
No wonder i feel so sad, the melody really touched me..
Hard to describe, just enjoy the video..
To those who knew Bloodymary, hopefully lagu ni mengubat kerinduan korang!
To those who dont, get to know them, the music, because they are about to break in to the mainstream..soon!

Indiependent Day Out 2 - Cinta Kenangan Silam!!

Kemana hilangnya Bloodymary?
Band yang menjadi pujaan ramai UG lovers..
Sejak aku belasan tahun..aku tergilakan diorang..
Still remember the evenings where we played 'Waterfall, and everyone sang along..
Lepak kat jam studio, main Bleak Days and Why..
Ler, jgnle tertipu, aku main idakle masa tu, nyanyi je..hahahaha
bebudak lelaki la yg main..(kitorang kan groupies)hahahahaha
Then Bodysurf release Breaking Ground..
Bloodymary ade 2 tracks, Behind The Tears and Hackers..
Dalam Hackers, Cha'in betul2 keluar sore ge-rung-gey dia..
Dalam Behind The Tears, mmg nak nangis..
Sungguh betul label diorg kasi, grunge jiwang katanye..hahaha
Then, kuar plak BARA compilation..lagila menyentuh..
Letter to Geiko..ntah sapele Geiko tu kan??
Aku masih belum dpt mencari sejarah sebenar lagu2 diorg ni..
faham secara general je..
Then, no 1 pada aku, lagu Desire..
Perh..terhebat!..starting yg begitu mendayu..
Susah nak describe, kind of song yang akan sentiasa bermain dalam kepala kite..
"Too many times and too many years, I cried over you"
Xluput dek zaman..
Kemudiannya, Bloodymary muncul dalam satu lagi compilation..
Grunge bands sume..Along with Slicepin Daze and Servent Jamm (favorite gak ni)
Bloody bawak lagu Take me to Her and Beautiful Wednesday..
Ya, lagu Beautiful Wednesday mmg jadi kegilaan ramai peminat Bloodymary..
Aku still stick ngan Desire, beautiful song ever..

So, anyways, akhirnya, aku melepasi 31 Jan tu dgn kenangan terindah...
Cinta yang tersimpan selama 6 tahun..dan bertambah2 lagi kemudiannya..
Aku tiba di Dewan Yuk Choy dengan penuh debar..
Dah lama aku xjumpa pemuzik @ pencinta seni di Bodysurf..
Lama juga aku menyepi dari pegi ke gigs diorg..xseperti dulu..
Dan kerana Bloodymary, aku tiba jugak..
Wah, satu flashback muncul, bagaikan muda, masih belasan tahun..
Yes, that's the feeling i had at the time..
Jumpa Polis, Jay and Syah..
Yeah, xdilupakan Along (Soundgarden), dah berambut pendek..mana vespa dia eh??
Hahaha...dulu, dia ngan Eli akan jadi drebar aku ngan Peah..
Yela, kami ni pandai pegi Ipoh sampai stesen bas je..ahakss..

Dapatla gak kami menengok performance dari band2 lain e.g. 2nd Combat, Revenge, Muck, Harmacy..
kami masih menikmati pemandangan dari belakang..
Time Revenge baru kami mula ke depan sedikit..yes, energy dari Revenge mmg powerful..
Bagai SYJ hidup semula..
Kemudian, munculla band yang ditunggu2 Ali n Miko..-The Times-
Yes, The Times ni mmg tiket kami untuk pg gigs sbenarnye..
Slalunye aku ngan Peah akan guna nama The Times untuk pg satu2 gig tu, barula cik abang 2 org tu ok..hehehehe
At least diorg leh enjoy..hehehe

Pengumuman dari Abg Bob Pyron, Bloody selepas ni..
Aku masih ingat ayat Abg Bob, kalo dulu, "sape xde Jack Purcell, xge-rung-gey le!!"
Hahahaha, betul tu, dengan jeans koyak2, Jack pun koyak, tapi itu trademark!

Yeah...hampir pukul 10, akhirnye yg kami tunggu, muncul jugak..
Chain, with the hoods on (written Metallica)
Jay, flowery blue shirt,
Ija, always the cool one
Shah, doubling the drums and keyboard..

Permulaan dengan lagu Waterfall yang lebih slow..
Dengar jee Chain starting, i shed my tears..just couldnt help it..
sesuatu pada muzik dan suara tu..
Mungkin aku je yg paham n bleh understand feeling tu..
Seterusnye lagu2 yg biasa diorg main, masa saat2 akhir before diorg berpecah dulu..
Dan aku menunggu saat Desire keluar..tapi hampa..
6 lagu je diorg sempat jam..
Tapi xpe..aku 20% puas tengok diorg mlm tu..better than nothing..
Dan aku masih terpacak di situ, melihat diorang blah...
every single step that they took when they left..
how beautiful and everything seems so slow..

i met them outside later..not all, at least Jay and Syah..
And i thank Syah for everything..
Truly how amazing how bands (real bands) can make u feel so attached with music..
It's been 3 weeks baru aku dapat nyatakan apa aku rasa that day..
like floating in my own world and Bloodymary, alone..
Still, even 3 weeks has passed, i can still remember every word sang by Chain and every notes played..

I'm thrilled for their next performance in March..
Call me groupies, i dont mind..so be it..
Cintaku pada muzik yang sebenar!

Witches on the Loose!!

Last Saturday, quite an enjoying nite!
Must say i had great time too..
It's our annual dinner.. It's the second one i've attended..
better than last year, at least, i can wear costume.


Event: Getronics Dinner & Dance Party
Theme: Magical Nite
Venue: The Gardens Hotel

Start with the registration, mula2 nak masuk pintu tu pun dah malu...sbbnye darpada tangga parking, aku nampak staff2 lain sume pakai casual je..
aku je yang dah siap bercostume..
Gile segan..nyesal lak xbawak baju spare..
Was thinking to call Ali to send baju lak time tu..hahaha
Masuk kat dalam bilik tu je, bang!!!sume orang perati aku..
Yeah, of course, the HR and registration staff mmg la pakai ikut theme, but not as complete as mine..

aku ni dah siap topi and robe lagi..
tu belum kire eye shadow and lipstick hitam lagi..petang tu pun, sempat lagi aku suruh ali beli cutac itam..hehehe..dah lama xsentuh bende tu.
Jadi, nak xnak, aku wat muke tebal jela..
dah lama sikit barula aku nampak ade yg pakai cam Genie la..cam Aladdin la..
ade gak yg style witch tapi jenis dress je..
Jeng Jeng Jeng...
tetibe muncul la satu couple ni...
mmg besh..sorang pakai cam Merlin, ala2 Dumbledore, sorang witch yang seksi..
mmg cantikla dress dia..
cam bawah ni
jadi aku dah mmg mengidam nak cari baju tu, just couldnt find ...what the heck, tengok jela..
lagipun diorg dua ni mmg sweet and nice gak la..
before2 ni, event pape, diorg will smile and everything..xsombong la..



seterusnya...kitorang masuk..lepak port sbelah bos2 kitorang..diorang suruh..
start ngan dances dari pondan dari Thailand..
adoi xboleh belah..
tempat dah cantek dah...grand dah.escort MC dia plak pondan..
cam lari budget lak..malunye...gedebuk gedebbak the whole stage dengar steps diorang
anyways..after introduction, speech from our GM..
Our new GM is from Singapore Management..segak orangnye..


After cakap2, then makan time!!
Nasib baik kali ni style buffet..
kalo cam tahun lepas, they will serve..xbest...
we cant eat so much..
but, there's a lot of beer..
naik juling mata aku tengok..
but i've to respect my other Muslim friends..





during that 'makan-makan'...got lucky draws and magical performance..
Then ade theatre performance dari Dell department..
Besh gile la...Aladdin version 'Helpdesk'..
In the end, diorang wat wish ramai2 mintak bonus..
Gilela, sume orang menjerit gelak2 at the time..
Yela...Asking in a good way..lol
then last event, was best dressed...hmmphhh...i was called, but i know i wont be selected..
since i sendiri admire the one Balwin is using.. :(




Yes,Balwin won the Queen..Unfortunately, Alvin (his bf) didnt win..
The Genie guy won... he is hilarious..
See??
Anyways, we had great fun..
I didnt win anything..

One of my colleague got Plasma TV worth 10000, supposedly..tapi since dia balik awai..
gatai sangat..kan dah melepas..

diorang re-draw..


Balik tu, terus koma...hahaha..
Xsanggup dah tahan mata..Sonok gak kan skali skala,,,berlakon2..

Sexually?? Duh..

You Are Sexually Powerful

Your attitude toward sex is healthy, safe, and sane. You enjoy sex as much as (or possibly even more than) the average person. You're open minded, intelligent, and adventurous when exploring your sexuality. And while you never take things too far, you take them far enough!

Rasa cam lawak lak wat questionnaire ni..

but what the hell, fascinates me to try though..

betul ke?

SILENT SCREAM

all of a sudden my tears fall..
where i dont know what caused it..
i know i feel empty..like one of my dearest sis wrote before..empty..
i cant feel anything but my heart aches..
i dont even know what i want and what i desire anymore..
im faking so many things about my emotions because i dont know how to feel anymore..
i dont know if this is sad or happy..
there are times, i feel like going somewhere alone..
or just sit inside a room alone..
cry...weep...scream my lungs out

i feel like running, anywhere
as bad as i may have been, i've never runaway from home..
Maybe that's what ive been longing for...lol
The pain is endlessly..
everywhere i point seems to be nowhere..
the daylight seems meaningless,
and nights are merciless..
these tears still fall..for what reason??
i should be happy...i know i should!!
yet i'm tired with all perfect rules i've swallowed all this while..
I'm surrounding with lonely and quiet echoes..
The rhythm of an empty streets..
The rhythm of an empty soul
The rhythm of a dying heart...

Let me OUT!

I need alcohol right now;
I want to be out of control;
I feel like going out on a wild night;
I miss the feeling of acting crazy, stepping out of boundary;
Being just me, as if no one is judging;
Just wanna laugh all night and being able to let a stranger touch me wthout feeling afraid..
Let the beast out of me;
I just wanna get drunk;
I want guys to take advantage of me;
I need it badly;
I'm just tired being sober....